Cameron's Conundrum
by spacegypsy1
Summary: Cam’s snooping results in more than he bargained for. D/V shippiness.


Cameron's Conundrum

Spacegypsy1

Synopsis: Cam's snooping results in more than he bargained for. D/V shippiness.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

It started out as simple curiosity. Jackson had been actin' particularly weird. And Mal Doran…well, she was way, way past happy. Somethin' was up.

When he'd broached the subject with Teal'c, the Jaffa had accused him of seeing Vunupian Vipers in every shadow, whatever the hell that meant.

Sam, now she just grinned, and shook her head. "Cam." She said, amused. "Really, Daniel and Vala?" And she'd gone off on some unrecognizable elucidation that rattled his head. He left her to her diatribe and moved on. He had a plan.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Extending the telescoping mirror around the corner, Cameron Mitchell spied the couple in the hallway, face to face, apparently deep in conversation. He watched. Waiting.

So intent on his victims, he never heard someone approaching.

Carolyn snuck up behind him, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Cam?"

He jumped, gasped and swung around in shock. "What!?" He whispered harshly. "Woman, what are you doing? You scared the bejesus out of me. Why are you spying on me?"

With a half smile, her eyes dropped to the tool in his hand. "Well, why are you spying?"

"I'm not spyin'."

"Then why do you have that cute little spy gadget?"

"This is not a cute little spy gadget. It's an important piece of military equipment. We use it all the time in the field. I was just testin' it to be sure it was focusin' correctly. Here. Look through it!" He passed the equipment over.

Carolyn took it. "So how does it work? And why are we whispering?"

"You'll see." Taking her in hand, he set her in front of him at the corners edge, moved her so her shoulder leaned against the wall, and pressed his chest into her back, arms coming around and hands cupping hers.

Carolyn took a quick look back, her face a mask of surprise. He just grinned and nodded forward.

Manipulating the spy gadget, Cam, lips near her ear, breathed her scent then letting his hands drop from her he pointed, telling her, "look through here."

Holding the tool out, and trying to control the shiver his nearness caused, Carolyn peered into it just in time to see Daniel lean in and kiss Vala. And for the second or two she saw, it was no gentle, friendly kiss. Damn, it was hot. She immediately dropped the tool, gasped, and eyes wide she pressed her back to the wall and looked at Cam.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Somethin' got your attention. What'd you see?"

"Nothing. I have to go." She pushed him away, since he'd cuddled up close.

"Go?" Stepping back, Cam peeked around the corner, seeing the other two standing a foot apart and talking.

Carolyn escaped, and rushed off down the hall. He picked up the tool and slammed it in his pocket. He took a last look and was surprised to see Vala heading off in one direction and then Daniel heading straight for him.

Cam dashed down the hall, zigzagging and looking for a place to hide. Finally he spotted a door ajar and knocking as he entered, he shut it quietly behind him.

The four man room was presently full with six newbies, two women and four men, who, jumping up from their card game, came to attention. Cards scattered to the floor and the young Airmen stood wide eyed at attention.

"Ah, ahm, at ease." The colonel stammered over his words.

"Thank you sir, did you need something?" One of the Airmen stepped forward.

"No, no, no…I just like to check on the troops so to speak. See how everyone is doin'. Everyone settlin' in?"

A chorus of nervous 'yes sir' answered.

"Good. Good. That's real good."

"Thank you, sir."

Cam opened the door slowly and leaned into the hall. All was clear. "Good. I'll be goin' now." He closed the door behind him and felt like an idiot. "I'm gonna kill Jackson. Right now." Eyes narrowed, he headed for Daniel's office.

"Jackson!?" Cam stood at the door, gaze locked on SGC's prize archeologist, who labored over a pile of rocks on his workbench.

"Busy." The rumpled man barked in responded.

"I can see that, homeboy. But I got a question."

"Okay, fine. What is it?" Daniel turned, removing his glasses before looking up, squinting.

"Well…I got this gut feelin', you know, in my gut. So, I'm thinkin' you could straighten out somethin' for me."

"That is?" Daniel put his glasses back on, curious.

"Man, what's goin' on with you and Vala?"

"Nothing." Daniel turned away, going back to studying his artifacts.

"Cool. Sorry I…ah, got a bit anxious, didn't mean nothin' by it. We're cool? Right?"

"Yep."

"Good."

As soon as Mitchell left, Daniel slapped the side of his face, and shook his head. Damn. And they'd been so careful.

He didn't bother putting anything away, just dashed out - after first checking the corridor - and headed for Dr. Lee's lab, where Vala generally hung out when she'd annoyed everyone else. Bill loved the company.

"Hey, Daniel." Bill Lee greeted Daniel with a happy smile, then yelped when the gadget he was working on shocked him.

Vala jumped back when the arc shot out, grimacing at the look of pain on Bill's face.

"You okay?" Moving further into the room, Daniel asked Bill while approaching Vala's position.

"Oh, yeah, fine. Just a bit rattled. Maybe I'll go have Lam check me out. I feel a headache coming on. Not a bad one, this thing has shocked me before. Once it actually knocked me right off the stool." The befuddled scientist wandered out the door still talking about the mishaps.

"Hello, darling." Vala stood, bringing herself mere inches from Daniel who had been practically standing over her. Her hand came to rest on his chest.

Backing up, Daniel scowled.

"Oh dear, what have I done now?" Furrowing her brows, Vala waited.

"Not you. Us. Mitchell just came by asking me what was up with me and you."

"Uh oh. I haven't said a word. Not to anyone. Not a soul. Not Samantha or Muscles. Not even my little giraffe knows. So. Who have you been gossiping to?" Her fingers were invading the space between his shirt buttons.

He popped her hand lightly. "Stop that."

"But I've missed you." She sighed despondently, and laid her head on his chest.

"Vala!" He took hold of her, cupping her shoulders, and setting her back away from him. "I haven't told anyone, anything."

"Well, Cameron is so nosy; god knows what he's spied! I've been very good, but I have to tell you, Daniel, you have been very, very, bad."

"What?"

"Like this morning at breakfast, when you sat down next to me, you put your hand on my leg. Well, actually, my thigh. Come to think of it…"

"I did?"

"And last night when we got back from…ah…dinner, you had your hand on my bum walking me to my door. And Cameron's quarters are not far up the hall from ours."

"Damn. We have to be more careful."

"YOU have to be more careful, I've been the soul of discretion. Let me tell you! I'm not about to muck this up. I've not – at least in public - touched you anyway, unfortunately, that I didn't touch you before…before you began to touch me…I mean…"

"I know what you mean. I'll be more careful." He laid a hand on her cheek, thumb rubbing softly. "I better go."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

_My granddaddy always watched detective shows. And I spent long lazy evenin's watchin' them with him. I think I picked up a thing or two. And as for gut feelin's…well, my gran'maw, she was just this side of psychic._ _I damn well knew somethin' was cookin' between those two. Jackson out and out lied to me. _ Cam had inadvertently stumbled upon the supposedly innocent Daniel Jackson with a mighty un-innocent looking hand caressing Vala's cheek.

Running backwards, Cam hauled his ass down the corridor and began a slow walk back in their direction, whistling loud as he could.

"Hey, Jackson." Attempted as a general greeting for Daniel, who came out of Dr. Lee's office, Cam's voice sounded a little strained.

"Mitchell!" And Daniel, well, he sounded guilty as far as Cam was concerned.

_Yep. I can smell the bacon fryin'. They've definitely jumped into the fryin' pan. _Walking beside the archeologist, the colonel folded his arms across his chest.

Daniel buried his hands deep in his pockets.

"So." Cam kept pace with Daniel's long strides. "In a hurry?"

"No...uh uh…you?"

"Not likely. I'm just doggin' you."

"Why is that?"

"Cause, brother, you're up to somethin', and I'm not real happy about it."

Daniel halted suddenly and it took Cam another step or two to realize it. He turned around and walked back.

"What are you talking about, Mitchell?" Daniel demanded with a look he probably thought innocent and curious.

"That for one." Pointing a finger at his friend's guilt ridden face, Cam smirked. "And, that…" He pointed back towards Dr. Lee's office, "…for two."

Hands coming out of his pockets, shooting upwards with fingers wide, Daniel found his incredulous tone and shouted it out. "Whaat!?"

"Fess up buddy." Taking his best military stance, Cam waited.

"Confess to what? What do you think you heard?"

"I didn't hear anything, but I didn't need to. You were strokin' her cheek like a love sick school boy."

Daniel huffed and started off again, Cam hot on his heels. "Mitchell, you need to find something to do. How many times have you done the same thing? You know how she gets. When she's all sad, we comfort her."

Cam lost his confidence with that explanation. "Oh."

"I think she's just over tired. We've been busy lately. Every mission's been long and tiring. Now she's back and feels like she has nothing to do. I promised I'd take her somewhere. Unless you could do that for me? Buddy."

"Hell no! Damn. Okay. Sorry. She's all yours."

"Fine." Daniel sighed heavily. "I guess somebody has to do it."

"Yeah. See ya." Shaking his head, Cam took off.

"Yeah." Daniel grinned and took a different hallway, clearing his throat, and dropping his head to hide his delight.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"No really, Samantha, I'll be fine. Don't feel sorry for me. I completely understand. You have things to do, and some kind of place to go that you can't talk about, or even hint at, though I'm quiet sure I have a large inkling of where and who." Vala zipped her lips with fingers run across in quick fashion. "And I promise never to mention my suspicions, really. Go. Daniel promised to take care of me and not leave me all alone, seeing as Muscles is in the Gateroom waiting to leave and Cameron is hiding out. Poor Daniel. He always gets stuck with me. But that's fine. Really." Taking a deep breath, Vala clamped her teeth and grinned.

Sam, head cocked sideways, was amazed at how fast Vala had spoken. So amazed, she'd lost the string of nonsensical accusations and only been able to hold onto the 'poor Daniel'. "Ah. Good. Where is he taking you?"

Shrugging nonchalantly, Vala hummed a reply.

"No idea?" Sam was packing in her quarters and Vala was pacing.

"Oh. Nowhere special, of course. You know Daniel! Probably to the library or something like that. I don't mind. You know I like to hang out with him anyway. I'd better go; I have to pack, too. I'm an expert now at sleeping on everyone's couch. Toddles. Have fun. Say hi to Jack for me…oops. Bye."

After she left, Sam shook her head to clear out the Vala debris. Then suddenly Vala's words sunk in and Sam blinked, zipped her bag and headed out. She decided it was time to have a long chat with her friend about keeping her mouth shut. But that could wait.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Hey."

"Hello."

Daniel opened the door to his quarters and let Vala in.

"I have my bags packed. Where are we off to? And what were all the announcements?" She dropped her leather bag on the floor.

Biting the side of his mouth, Daniel grimaced. "I just heard – the base is locked down. Some glitch with something brought back by SG-3. Reynolds is running a fever and the others are all feeling ill. Landry's off base and can't get in."

"Oh. Dear. And Samantha?" Vala sat on the side of his bed and pouted.

"I think she got out. And Teal'c was headed off world. Not sure where Mitchell is, he was supposed to leave too. But the base was in shift change, so now it's just a skeleton crew. Dr. Lam will let everyone know probably in the morning. So…there's you and me. And the 'Gate tech crew, some med teams, SG-3 and 22…ah, 7, 9. And, I think 4 and 18. And a hoard of SF's."

"No one else on this end of the corridor?"

"Nope. Just us. We've been ordered to stay put. Wherever we are. You weren't listening?" He smiled.

She responded with a raised brow, a shake of her head and a toothy grin. "How unfortunate. Whatever shall we do?" Vala plopped back on the bed.

"We shall find something entertaining. Shalln't we?" Daniel lay across the bed, beside her, his hand snaking up under her top. "Cards?"

Vala rolled to her side, one hand resting on his chest. Her brows waggled and she smiled seductively. "Strip poker?"

"Mmm, without the cards."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The next morning, Sam and Mitchell were in the commissary. Sam, having been stopped at the check out point yesterday, was more then disgruntled. She'd just finished her best speculation on the incident, the repercussions and then started on her concerns about Daniel and Vala.

"I see your point now, Cam. I thought about it last night. They do appear to be spending a lot of time together, and she's fast talking…always a sign of her covering something up." Spooning a mouthful of cereal in between comments, Sam continued. "It just seems odd…and when was the last time they bickered? That's what has me troubled. It just escaped me or I never really thought about it before. But something's going on. I can see that now."

"You're damn right!" Cam pointed a finger, zealously, into the air.

"Damned right about what, ColonelMitchell?" Teal'c sat down across from Mitchell and next to Carter.

"Hey, buddy. Did you get grounded too?"

"Indeed. I was stopped before going through the Stargate just after SG-3 arrived, yesterday. I have been checked out by DoctorLam, spent most of my evening in the infirmary - as I was in the Gateroom when Reynolds returned - and recently found to be free from contamination. However, I have been informed to stay on base until further notice."

"We've been speculatin' on Daniel and Vala. They've been sorta chummy lately. Don't you think?"

"I have no comments. All seems right between DanielJackson and ValaMalDoran."

"It's not like drinkin' water from the garden hose, man. There's somethin' strange between those two."

It took Teal'c a moment to assimilate and translate Mitchell's verbiage. "I sincerely doubt that. They are…special, shall we say. Nothing is amiss, Colonel. Do not worry. All is as it should be."

Cam threw his hands up in the air. "Ah, here we go again. Man, you have got to stop with the roundabout references that go no where."

A warning brow rose high, sending the golden tattoo on the Jaffa's forehead, upwards. Teal'c rattled off some long and guttural Goa'uld that wouldn't take a rocket scientist to discern the meaning of.

"I think it would be helpful for both of you to speak English so I can join the conversation." The rocket scientist looked confused.

"This comin' from a woman who speaks in technobabble no one can understand." Cam looked into his coffee cup, hiding the grin.

Digging into her jacket pocket, Sam produced pen and paper. Smoothing the paper out on the table, she took pen in hand and began some calculation.

Both men watched. Finally, Cam laid a hand on Sam's arm. "Hey, Carter, sorry, you don't have to work. We didn't intend to leave you out of the conversation."

Scribbling on her paper, it took Sam a moment to reply. "Not."

"Not what?" Cam looked up at Teal'c as he spoke to Sam.

Head tilting slightly, the Teal'c version of a shrug, the Jaffa remained quiet.

"Not working. I'm trying to figure it all out. Mathematically. What is the probability of Daniel and Vala actually…well…actually being…hmm…actually dating?"

"From what I saw, they've skipped the dating part. Damn. This is bad."

"And why is that ColonelMitchell?"

"Because, man! They're on a team. My team! Two people can't be on the same team, be…more then friendly, and operate without causing major problems."

"I disagree." Gaze indiscernibly lifting to Sam, Teal'c continued. "I have seen it happen. For many years."

Sam's eyes took a very fast flick up to Teal'c and down again to her equations. But she paused in calculating, unable to find her train of thought.

"You do think somethin's goin' on, don't you?" He didn't wait for an answer. "That's it! I'm goin' to find him and this time Wonder Boy is not using all his 'special powers'…" Cam used the SG-1 obligatory air quote sign, "to throw me off the scent. I'm usin' my Bloodhound roots and I'm gonna bag me one lyin' archeologist and one retired space-pirate. And nothin' is gonna stop me!"

Cam was out the door before the other two could respond.

Dropping the pen emphatically onto the table, Sam frowned at Teal'c. "That was totally unnecessary!"

"I speak the truth. It was only meant to assure the colonel that there exists no need to interfere. I divulged no secret. Besides, he thought I was speaking about his current teammates."

"Hmph!" Picking up the pen and using it as a pointer, she directed it inches from the nose of her friend. "This coming from a man who constantly visits his Sim'ka - under the guise of assisting the Free Jaffa." Sam stuffed her unfinished notes into her jacket pocket.

With a nod that clearly said 'touché', Teal'c smiled. "Perhaps we should find ColonelMitchell and … shall we say…cut him off at the pass?"

Standing, Sam put her hands on her hips. "I say we follow him instead, and watch the show."

"Indeed."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Before he made a complete fool of himself, Cam checked some resources. No one had seen hide nor hair of the supposedly not dating couple.

He made an effort to investigate all the known places each of them were fond of frequenting. _Nope. Nada. Nothin'_. Except the feeling someone was tailing him. Hmm. He was obviously getting paranoid.

Knocking on Vala's door, Cam waited, looking around for whatever was giving him the creeped out feeling. There was no answer, and after several more attempts he crossed the hall. Before he knocked on Daniel's door he caught movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to find Teal'c and Sam watching him.

He signaled in quick succession. First slamming a finger to his lips, removing it and crooking it, before holding up two fingers, followed by jabbing one finger towards the door.

Teal'c whispered the translation. "Be quiet. Come here. ValaMalDoran and DanielJackson are in there."

Sam rolled her eyes, glared, tossed out a hand in agitation as if to say 'I got it!' and fisted her hand to indicate he stop explaining.

Teal'c used the sign language for sorry.

Cam cut his hand across his throat – the Jack O'Neill signal for 'cut it out'!

Turning to the door, Cam held his fist up to knock. Teal'c and Sam hunkered up close behind him. He looked back frowning and they stepped back a few inches.

The tick, tick, tick, of heels approaching had all three turning. Carolyn's purposeful stride faltered. Sam's hand shot up, 'stop'. Cam's finger went to his lips, 'quiet'. Teal'c's eyebrow rose, and head tilted, 'what'?

Carolyn tiptoed, finger shaking back and forth, then circling and finally forming, 'ok'. Then she produced a thumb up.

The three nodded in understanding and relief. All were well. No base contamination.

Sam waved her closer. Cam did the two fingers up and pointed at the door. Teal'c remained motionless. Carolyn was totally confused, but complied, waiting as 'Spy Cam' once again prepared to knock.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

It was dark. Vala was slightly disoriented. And slightly naked. No, totally naked. And somewhat woozy from the champagne Daniel had produced hours ago. They'd only drank it after two delightful rounds of lovemaking.

She sighed, dreamily. He lay behind her, spoon style, his warm hand moving across her stomach, sending shivers out.

He yawned. "Vala, go to sleep."

"Stop making that thumping noise."

"Hmm?"

"The thumping noise, Daniel. Thump. Thump. Thump. It woke me up."

"It's the door."

"Oh, so it is. Are you going to answer it?"

"I guess." Crawling over her, he grabbed the sheet and wrapped it around his waist as he approached the door.

Vala suddenly bolted upright and in the darkness, yanked at the blanket tangled at the foot of the bed. Before she could warn him, Daniel snatched the door open, flooding the room in stark bright light.

"What!?" Immediately after that, Daniel, mouth agape and eyes wide, realized his error and stared dumbfounded at the four, who looked past him towards his bed.

"Mak lo onak." Teal'c whispered in awe.

Vala, hair disheveled and still fighting the blanket for more coverage, let out a 'pfft' thinking, _"Oh my god" somehow seems a bit lacking, Muscles. _

One bare hip still peeked out of the covers as Vala ran her fingers through the mass of her tangled hair. "It's not what it seems." She offered, finally getting the entire blanket free and covering herself from neck to toes. "You see," she tried to explain the unexplainable – well actually – she tried to cover-up the obvious – "Daniel was sleeping. Naked. And I had a…ah…a pain in my side, and back. And hip. And my bum. And well. I needed someone to make sure there wasn't something, you know, like a spider bite, or a rash, or something. And since we were confined to quarters, sort of, I dashed over here and he was investigating my problems."

Daniel's head had pivoted around, somewhat akin to the spinning head in Muscles Exorcist movie, and he stared at her unbelievingly.

"Just two co-workers helpin' each other out?" Mockery dripped like hot honey from Cam, whose arms tightened across his chest.

Daniel and Vala locked gazes. Both began to grin widely. Vala stood, slowly, gathering her heavy blanket fisted in both hands, and waddled over, dragging the remnants with her. When she stood beside him, eyes still boring unwaveringly into his, Daniel put an arm around her waist and pulled her close.

He looked at the four in the hall. "Caught red handed. We thought you were gone." His gaze shifted from Mitchell, to Teal'c and finally to Sam. When he flicked his eyes towards Carolyn, she was turned away, looking down the corridor.

Turning his head back to look down into Vala's adoring eyes, Daniel smiled. "I love her." He confessed, quietly.

"You do?" She whispered back.

"Uh hmm. I do." Daniel kissed her nose.

"I love you, too." Vala palmed his cheek.

Cam rolled his eyes. "This is bad. Worse then I thought."

Laying a hand on the colonel's shoulder, Teal'c advised, "Perhaps we should leave and discuss this another time?"

"Ya think?" Everyone's head snapped up and turned to Jack, who stood behind Carolyn.

"How'd you get here? I thought we were in lockdown." Mitchell hated the way Jack O'Neill seemed to come and go as he pleased.

"Walter just informed me and Hank that the lockdown was…unlocked. We were worried. I see rightly so." Jack was looking both Daniel and Vala up and down.

"General Landry?" Vala squeaked out just as Daniel muttered, "Ah, shit!"

"Landry!?" Surprised, Mitchell swallowed loudly.

Sam mumbled an 'Ah, boy', and Teal'c repeated his 'Mak lo onak' but this time it held no awe, but came out rather worriedly.

"Did someone call my name?" Landry approached with a smile on his face. "Glad everyone…" When the door slammed shut, Landry looked confused. "What was that all about?"

"Nothing." The remaining group said in unison.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Daniel leaned his back into the door and set the security lock with one hand, while one remained around Vala. He sighed against her hair. "We're screwed."

Leaning into his body, Vala stroked his neck. "Thoroughly, darling, however…"

"That's not what I meant." The conversation in the hall was a jumbled drone behind his head.

"Really? Your sheet is saying otherwise."

END OF THIS SILLY DRABBLE.


End file.
